When people speak about life, what do they speak about? What they aim for, for example. What they love. What they despise. There is emotions in their words and much thoughts in their souls. Some of these people actually think about the meaning of life. Some only claims they think about it. For many, the meaning of life is a euphemism for an existential crisis.
Why should we live? The strongest and weakest argument by far is one of status quo. We live because we are already living. It's effortless to live but painful to die. I suppose in a discourse of existentialism, my viewpoints on God would be required. I once subscribed to Agnosticism before realising, no, that's not truly it. Agnosticism has experienced much misunderstandings, I find, especially in a Junior College. People over-simplify its definition. It has become the hip new synonym for atheist. I am probably more of a theist than anything else, though I choose to describe myself as a free-thinker, if only because it's far easier they treat me as such. It is always vaguely amusing how being a theist automatically qualifies you to be a Buddhist/Christian/Muslim.
I am digressing as usual and I realise I don't give a damn. I will go back to existentialism as I continue. Onwards. I have a friend who dislikes relativists. I can understand why. Relativist have the easiest way out of any argument. Morality is moot, as are any opinions in general. Accepting everything is the exact same thing as disregarding everything. I once thought I was one, but I quickly realised I was much too polemical and antagonistic to be a relativist, much less a good one. I am probably similar to an existentialist now. I act with as much ontological responsibility as I am without realistic responsibility. I cannot say I am reproached by Christians or Catholics, no actually fuck it I can. I am exactly the male no staunch Christian doting father will marry off her daughter to.
I once told my friend I went to church with my mom. "You of all people?", she said. We must be the most disquieting people any good religious individual will meet. Not many know what an existentialist is, but what they would feel is what many others who knows the definition would. By ignoring the tenets of any religions, we have create a life in which we have absolute freedom in our choices of morality. There is no moral values that holds any otherworldly authority over us. Yes, we don't kill but we might as well. I don't kill people because it's against the law. Or because it has been drummed into us, a habit. That's a horrible thing to think, people would no doubt feel.
The audacity of the statement. I suppose Satre didn't commit rape only because he would end up in jail. Ask a Buddhist. Or anyone with a religion. For them, it is Wrong. It is Not Right. It is Evil.
I simply cannot find any meaning in life. That doesn't necessitate suicide- it just means I cannot see the end; I cannot see the start, I see the middle and it might as well be invisible. I sound like a hardened pessimist but that's not it either. I do enjoy learning new things, I enjoy the sight of a pretty girl, I enjoy a good conversation and I enjoy friendship. There are probably a million and one things I haven't yet have the chance to enjoy but will, all the same. The first time I have sex perhaps. Or maybe my first child. Or a good book I have not yet found. Perhaps the first time I scuba dive. I acknowledge the pleasure these activities brought me. I see the happiness they have created. That is not the meaning of life any more than death is. They are simply causations of me living life. If you drive a car, you need to travel from Point A to B. That is why you seat behind the steering wheel. That is its meaning. Enjoying the wind because it's a breezy day is a by-product, a consequence. Life has none of the latter. All of it is the former.
I have yet another friend who told me on Whatapp that the meaning of life is never meant to be found. Life is supposed to be all about finding the meaning of it. She is eccentric, beautiful and hates circular logic. She felt the logic and beauty of her answer was apparent. I suppose circular logic is beautiful in a way. But I never could point out to her its plausible hypocrisy.
And so I live my life, meaningless. It's never aimless; I have as many aims as the sky is broad. But they feel more mundane day after day, hour after hour. I find you cannot be perfectly rational about life and hope to live it meaningfully. Ignorance has to be a key tenet in leading a meaningful life. Ignore the meaning of life and find true meaning in it? For the optimistic and God-fearing individuals perhaps. Never for me.
